NO! Put that down! SHUT UP!
by hidden stranger
Summary: When an author finds himself attempting to write another chapter to his latest story, how difficult is it when his main characters are drunk in his room and getting him off track? Reviews and honest thoughts are more then welcome! XD Rated M for language


You never understand how difficult writing a story like my newest fic Journey to the center of my Worth, truly is until you're stuck in your room with two of the main characters in your room and they're drunk..FML! I warn you this is containing a ridiculous amount of swearing and vulgar activity so hide the kids, lock em in a closet I don't care just don't yell at me when they find this! I rated it decently enough so they should get the picture,

side note, yeah trying typing decently when ur hammered..it Fing sucks thank God for spell check!

Disclaimer: I own noone in this fic! Characters are property of Penguins of Madagascar creators and Looney Tunes.

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"Mates, good lord Kowalski." She'd said aloud to herself as she climbed out of the porthole, not that she hadn't envisoned them together before, their hot sweaty sticky fur binding up against one another-

Author, "Yeah Hey, um could we keep that crap out of this, I'm trying to write a decent story here, its for the kids…" Marlene shook her head at me and raised an eyebrow,

"Um really bro? You're gonna pull that shit on me right now things are just getting hot, DAMN its like an oven over here!" She said laughing,

Hidden Stranger *facepalm's*

Hidden Stranger, "You assholes got into the minibar didn't you?" The lemur king began swearing at me though he was unfamiliar with the proper way with insults so it came out a bit jumbled.

Julien, "Aye fucker shit to my face ass bitch! I'm sober as an AA member you disposel."

Hidden Stranger, That means ur drunk you stupid lemur and stop fucking around in my closet! Ur breaking shit!" Julien stumbled out of the sliding wooden door,

"You douchebag it was nothing expensive!" My jaw drops,

"How the FUCK would you know? You don't even wear clothes!" A foolish thing to say on my part when dealing with an inebriated lemur who laughed really hard and gave me the finger.

"You dumb dumb idiot stupid!"

"I don't give a shit just stay where you are you drunken fucktard!" I yelled impatiently. The crowned lemur took a few steps before losing his balance and falling to the floor, his crown rolling off his face, Hidden Stranger races over to pick him up,

"Jesus Julien are you alright?"

The lemur looks at me,

"Shut up you faggot I am being most fine right now!" I glare down at him,

"You feel on your face jackass…" Julien looks up and points a finger,

"Aye my ass is named steve!"

"Jesus!" I groan dropping the lemur on the queen sized bed beside me, He begins to crawl slowly over to Marlene,

"Ay Baby was your momma a fighter pilot? Because when she had you, she dropped the bomb heh heh!"

Marlene, "Awwww" She replies kissing him. Hidden Stranger,

"Fuck I am never gonna get this written with you drunk assholes wandering around in my room, just, go to sleep okay? Dammit!" I exclaim annoyed, It had been along day for me, work was already panful but when you had two characters begging for a story to written about their hopeless romance that beat the

Julien raised his head again,

"Aye Mort go play in traffic okay?"

Hidden, Stranger, "WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS! I'M NOT MORT! I'M A HUMAN FUCKING BEING WITH ACTUAL PURPOSE YOU ASSHOLE GOT TO SLEEP!" I yelled at him, turning my head away for a second, the next minute I turn to look back at him, the two were passed out cold. They'd tapped into a good amount of my Crown Royal Stash I'd kept for special occasions in my mini fridge. I opened the door to the fridge and groan as I picked up the now half empty fith of whiskey,

"Thanks fucktards there goes $27.50!" I growl as I pull off the cap, taking a swig myself just to contend with the insanity my life has become. I take a deep breath and look at the two mammals all huddled up together. My stupid animal lover inside me couldn't help but smile at the image of the two of them sleeping away quietly together, everything in the world washed away for now as far as they were concerned. I smile a bit as I reach over and run a gentle paw over the lemur's side, his gray fur nice and silky soft, most likely from all the hair care products he tended to use on himself. Unbenouced to me, the lemur woke as I petted him,

His eyes grew the size of dinner plates,

"AAAHHHH RAPE!" He screamed, making me jump ten feet into the air,

Hidden Stranger, "What! No! Julien I was just petting you-DAMMIT FALL ASLEEP!" With a click of my fingers he was out again, my heart rate finally decreasing from the land speed records it was reaching for the little bastard's ignorant outbursts.

Hidden Stranger, "Stupid freaking lemur." I said trying to catch my breath, shaking my head and turned back to my computer to try and focus a bit. Sighing deeply, I try to get back on track,

"Okay so after Marlene get's dropped off, she'll make-

"Out with King Julien!" A familiar voice calls out in the background.

"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate FUCK!" I yell, slamming my hands on my laptop, the drunken lemur leans over to Marlene. "Sheesh, he needs to get a lady friend!" I whipped around in my computer chair,

"I DO NOT!" my own brain begins to start shit with me,

_Oh that was mature…_

_GET FUCKED! _I mentally scream to myself, suddenly realizing that's not too bad of a thing to add on the to do list. Rolling my eyes, I try to silently scribble that down on one of my sticky notes on the side of my desk. Julien's nocturnal side began to kick in, he pulled up Marlene who'd fallen fast asleep and began trying to dance with the unconscious otter, I watched them out of the corner of my eye,

"Julien she's trying to sleep, leave her alone, let her sleep."

"Un UH! De sky spirits tell me you are a big ass and dat I should be partying right now because you're gonna be mean later." He said, that statement somewhat hurt my feelings. Honestly I'm a big animal guy so the idea I would hurt them later kind of stung a bit,

Hidden Stranger, "Oh Julien that's not true I'm not going to be mean to you, I just don't want you guys to get hurt."

Julien, "We are nots going to gets hurt!" I stare at them unconvinced,

"You drank half a fifth of my Crown Royal, you're a tenth of my body size, face it, you're drunk as skunks!"

Pepe Le Pew popped in the door just then at that moment,

"I take offense to zat sir! We skunks do not indulge in such unpleasant activities as getting how do you day, shitfaced?" I face palm once more,

"Did a Looney Tunes character really just enter my room and utter the phrase, Shitfaced?" I asked aloud, all three animals stopped and took in my pathetic question in dire seriousness; Marlene came too and nodded her head,

"Yeah I'm pretty sure he did actually, wait what the hell is shitfaced?"

Hidden Stranger, "OH HOLY GOD! GO TO SLEEP!" I yell feeling so mentally defeated by two mere cartoon character, the otter and the lemur both fell back to sleep with one another as I stared at my laptop unprogressive in my efforts since 10pm this evening. I do admit I had swung back a few with my close friends, I knew I was working tomorrow so this felt like my Sunday if anything, I sat back as Pepe the skunk walked up next to me and sat on the bed, myself inwardly wishing he hadn't, I don't know if the skunk's..well "bad glands" (we'll just call them that, It's no joke I've been drinking since 6pm so cut me some slack) were brushing up against my sheets, part of me wants to believe that was pure paranoia, I mean first of all it's a two dimensional Skunk so I'm doubting the artists decided to include-oh to hell with it whatever he's fine! Sighing deeply I rub my eyes and look at Pepe who's sitting on the bedside next to me with his paws in his lap and a content look on his face,

Pepe, "Miser you are appearing rather exhausted no?" I hold my head in my hands covering my eyes,

"Gah You have no idea Pepe, how's the misses by the way?" The skunk laughs out loud slightly to himself,

"Ah my little sex kitten is playing hard to find more den usual haha!" I jerked my head up as the skunk uttered this. That was the straw that broke that camel's back!

*somewhere in far Arabian lands a camel wandering through the desert suddenly collapsed to the ground*

"OH MY GOD MY BACK!"

…

..back in the U.S,

I pointed toward the door forcefully,

"Okay That's it I'm done You are out! Get out of here! I'm am not having my childhood traumatized by a skunk calling the female cat he always chased in my favorite show growing up, a SEX KITTEN! GET OUT!" Pepe hung his head and turned and began to leave, I yelled out to him.

"And tuck you're tail too! I'm not having my room smell because you're can't smell yourself!" It sounds so stupid but I felt back watching the lil cartoon skunk push his tail down so it dragged along the floor as he left, taking sooo very long to leave, violins playing in the background, I reached for a handgun and pointed it at the conductor.

"You TOO ! ALL OF YOU GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!" I yelled loudly, watching them shuffle quickly out of the room dropping violin sticks and sheet music. As I sat there left with me and an incapacitated otter and a lemur I began to ponder,

_Exactly how much have I been drinking lately?_ My answer soon came as Julien lifted a leg and farted loudly,

…_Too Much…_

_END OF WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WAS…_

A/N, Yes I've been drinking a lot tonight so this was a spur of the moment thing haha vodka get's the ole brain a thinking you know! XD I hope I didn't ruin a lot of your childhoods and sense of moral decency, holy fuck I spelled that right, ANYWAY thanks for reading and I well I don't expect a shit ton review on this brick of crap but hey if you feel like telling me what you really thought, by all means go on ahead!

Goodnight everyone….


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